Last Call

last call

2 years ago I opened the doors to my difficult, violent and just plan crazy life.
You all sat back and allowed me to pour you drink after drink from my bar of mayhem getting you more and more addicted with every shot.

Some of the shots were smooth and sweet….. some were strong and burned going down……. but most of them had you on the floor like “What The Fuck?”.

While I enjoyed getting you all intoxicated it’s now time for the Last Call there will be no more shots poured at Shamelessly Guiltless.

You’ve read about a young tormented young girl who made it her life’s mission to seek revenge on her tormentors. You’ve watched me cry. You’ve watched me conquer. You’ve watched me turn the tables. But most of all you’ve watched me grow into the fierce fearless woman I am today.

I’m no role model and never intended to be but if my struggle helps one person I’m good with that. We’ve all heard the saying “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and even though it might seem little corny …….it’s hard truth.

I’m living breathing proof that you’re only a victim if you allow people to make you one. Whatever tragedy happened in your life it’s up to you to turn it around…… never depend on anyone to get you out of your dark times.

I’m not saying don’t get help if you need it but you need to be the main source of your happiness and maybe get yourself a group of friends like mine  (jk)

This ending is bitter sweet but something that needs to be done. I loved and adore the people I’ve met through this journey. But if I truly want to move on with my life and let go of my past that means letting go of every reminder of that life. My childhood journals have been locked away by my mother in law. Any family photos of me and my old family have been burned or buried. Any children I have will know nothing of my dad, mom, Gaban, Gabby or Gavin.

I want to thank everyone who has read, left a comment, liked, shared or enjoyed my post.

Special Thanks

Mel…… You’re advice and kind words always came at amazing much needed times.

OHKLS…. You were always encouraging and made me laugh even when I didn’t want to

Rahburt….. My day one who has inspired me for years to be a better person. You told me what I needed to hear even when I hated you for it.

Jason…. Never in my life have I thought I would be happy until you came running into my life. You are my rock, my protector, lover, best friend, everything I could need and want in a person. You aren’t intimated by my strong personality and appreciate the fact I can handle my own. You’re a powerful man who wants his woman by his side not behind him. Love the fuck out of you.

The Rejects….. No one could ever have asked for a better group of Ride or Die friends. And I’m sure we’ll wreck mayhem in hell together just as we did on earth.

Linda….. I never knew what it was like to know the love of a parent until you showed and continue to show. You have a heart of gold and a soul as pure and genuine as they come I love you so much.

The Vixens and Campus Candy……. You helped take my vision from a cocktail napkin to something bigger than anyone can handle

Bloggers…… You all inspire different things in me and I enjoyed reading all of your fun post


Daniel…..FUCK YOU

Alex…..Love you and I will have your back till the day I die



Written In Blood

typing in blood

For those of you you’ve read this from the beginning you know that my abuse started before I was 12 and once I was 14 my life has been a constant fight for revenge. You could say my life is one giant chess game and every move I make is getting me a step closer to what I feel I need to do which was taking down those who harmed me and the one that controls them.

I started this blog for my therapist to read because I have a reputation of fucking my therapist so now they try to keep me out of their offices.
My blog was never meant for anything but a therapeutic way to get my demons out but slowly it turned into something more.

I get emails all the time “No way this is real” Believe me I wish my life’s problems only involved…..Trying to get pregnant~ Enjoying married life~Kids~working~paying bills~dealing with everyday kinda drama. But I wasn’t blessed with that kind of life.
The best emails I get are the ones I get from my male readers because the only reason they find it hard to believe is simply because I’m a girl.

I’ve never been a damsel in distress so I forget that in this society woman are not allowed or believed to be strong in some people’s eyes. Agreed anyone man or woman who’s gone through what I’ve gone through might have a different life.

It’s amazing to people and sometimes myself that I turned my tragedy into triumph….. But don’t forget you’re reading 16years crammed into a few post on 1 blog my triumph didn’t happen overnight it took years of actual blood, sweat and tears.
I’ve lost children, some friends, and my entire family over the course of these 16+ years.

After finding out that the two people I trusted most in my life were behind the events that led me down a never ending road of pain and revenge… I was broken.

So for the past few months I’ve been focusing on my marriage and making it out of my first trimester so I stepped down from managing the Vixens and told the Rejects to keep whatever vicious plans they had to themselves for the time being.

Stepping back from the only life I know wasn’t easy by any means….. My mornings used to start off with me planning someone’s demise over breakfast. But for the past few months my mornings have been less exciting I wake up cook breakfast for my husband and try any and everything to keep my mind off my other life.

As you know the main reason for my decision to step down from my old life was my husband…. I risked a lot and lost a lot but when the threat of losing him became too real I had no doubts about putting my revenge and ego on the shelf.

I’m happy to announce I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and out of my first trimester with a healthy little Runner on the way. And even more excited to announce my doctor gave me the green light to live my life completely unaware of the kind of life I live.

Heaven-Sent & Hell Proof


After I left Daniel in the restaurant with a shattered ego and one hell of a hard of a hard I went to the house my brothers shared when they were working together. I used to come to this house to feel closer to my brothers but now I walk in and feel nothing more than disappointment and rage.

I sat on their couch and stared at the walls remembering all the good times we had and just thinking to myself it was all fake…. their artificial love for me….. their false protectiveness over me…..all of it was just to trick me into trusting them.

I brought myself to tears thinking about it so I called my husband “I need you to get here as soon as you can”

You see I lied to my husband and told him I was coming down here to handle some business with my girls because I know he doesn’t want me torturing myself with revenge.

48 hours later my husband was banging on my hotel door looking panicked “What the hell is going on? My brothers are downstairs checking in.” I had no words I just wanted to hold him.

I wrapped my arms around my husband and squeezed him as hard as I could “Baby what’s wrong?” I could feel his heart pounding “Baby talk to me” I squeezed him tighter “My brothers set me and Heath up”

I lay in bed with my husband and told him I lied to him about my real intentions for coming out here and gave him a rundown of what happened and what I’ve done. He didn’t judge he didn’t yell he just held me tighter and laughed “Thank you for telling me the truth but I already knew what you were up to” He kissed my forehead several times “I know you never really got the love you wanted from your family and that’s fucked up but listen…… I love you”

He got up from the bed pulled me over to the edge and got on his knees in front of me “I love you” He kissed both of my knees “I love every part of you. I love the parts that people don’t understand, I love the parts people fear. I love the beautiful, I love the dark, I love every inch of you”
“I would follow you into the darkest parts of the world if you needed me to because you would do the same for me and I can honestly say you aren’t like any woman I know. When you say you’ll kill for me I know you mean it and when you say you’ll die for me I believe it because I’ve seen it firsthand”

He grabs my hands “You’re the strongest person I know. So right here right now I’m on my knees begging you to walk away from this life that has tortured you for so many years and to love me and our family more than you hate them”

My husband just told me he would walk to the darkest parts of the world for me if I wanted. We both know if I continue on with this I’d be fighting for the rest of my life and ruining any chance of happiness so without hesitation I told my husband “Right here. Right now I choose my love for you and our family over everything else”

I truly have a man that is Heaven-sent and damn sure Hell proof

We spent the whole night talking and joking the way we used to when we first got married before my past was taking its toll on our marriage.

The next morning I went to Heath’s grave with my husband by my side along with the Rejects, my brother in-laws, and the Vixens.

I introduced Heath to my family and my family to Heath I laid flowers and a shock of Jack Daniels on his grave

“I’m sorry Heath but I’m breaking my promise to you” I had every intention of being strong but saying those words out loud to his grave was breaking my heart.

“I wish I could give you some long drawn out reason but the truth is my reason for letting you go is very simple…. The love for my husband”

“You taught me a lot in our short time together you were my first love my first real experience of passion but you are gone and that changes everything” My husband wrapped his arm around me and kissed my temple “You’re doing good”

I took a deep breath “I know if you weren’t our lives would be completely different but the reality is you are and I need to except the facts. And those facts are that my brothers set you up and profited off your death. I wish it would please me to tell you they got what they deserved but truth is. I’m having a hard time accepting that my brothers were monsters so I won’t…..For the sake of my sanity”

I felt guilty telling the man lying in a grave before me the man that I once loved so much I held a 14 year grudge for I was letting my grudge go. I knew who the players were that resulted in his death and I planned on doing nothing else about it.

I have sacrificed a lot to keep my promise to Heath but I will not sacrifice my Husband

7 Devils……..Devil #4


Devil #4 has a list of offenses that would take too much time to list but #4 is familiar to anyone who’s read my blog from the beginning.

There’s no need for us to plot ~ plan~ or underhand each other because we’re both aware of each other’s tricks and games and since #4 had been dealt with awhile back there was no need to reopen old wounds.

As I’m sure you figured out #4 is none other than my ex-husband Daniel and as you know Daniel played a major part in Heaths death.

A little bird told me #4 was having dinner at one of his favorite restaurants drowning his sorrows with fucking waitress and drinking liquor like it’s water.

When I got to the restaurant I see Daniel sitting at a booth eye fucking a woman across the room. I walk over to his booth “I see things haven’t changed”.. “My wicked ex-wife. What do I owe the pleasure?”

I slide in the booth next to him grab his wine glass and hold it up to the woman he was seducing across the room “A bit old for you don’t you think?” He grabs the glass out of my hand and slams it on the table breaking it and spilling wine across the table “You made me hurt my daughter” .. “You killed my boyfriend”.. “You turned my girls against me”.. “You beat me”.. “You ruined my family” .. “You threatened my husband”

The waitress interrupts our back and forth before it gets too out of hand for the rest of the patrons “Sorry Sr. I’ll grab you another” She cleans off the table grabs the broken glass she looks at me “Can I grab you anything?”

Before I have the chance to answer Daniel covers my mouth “If your heart is pure she’ll take it on a salt plate with lemon caper sauce ” I turn towards him slide my hand up his thigh and grab his dick and squeeze making him take his hand off my mouth “Oh sweetie you know I only enjoy devouring the hearts of demonic men” I look back at the waitress “Bring me a wine as well please”

The waitress brings our wine and #4’s dinner “I have a question?” I stick my hand in his pants and begin stroking him “So wicked” His eyes close and he lies his head back “I heard a rumor about my brothers” He jerks his head up and grabs his wine “Who was foolish enough to speak about the G siblings? Everyone knows the youngest G would cut out their tongue”

“Rumor is my brothers were the masterminds behind Heaths death?” Daniel adjusts himself but before he could get comfortable I grab the steak knife off the table and press it against his balls “You wanna do this here?”.. “What’s wrong Daniel did you lose your touch” He grabbed the back of my neck “Do not make me turn into that demon you hate” I press the knife harder “You may be a demon Daniel but never forget I’m the monster that demons fear” He squeezes my neck tighter and I press the knife harder “You will tell me the truth because it will hurt me. And after everything we’ve done to each other you want nothing more than the opportunity to hurt me”

He released my neck “Yes. Is that what you want to hear? Your upstanding brothers set your little boyfriend up and they sent you away and while you were away Gav became your mother’s business partner and Gab became your dads right hand. Happy now?”

He started laughing and drinking his wine “Your dad fucked you, your brothers betrayed you, your sister left you and your mother hated you. I’d rather be a dead demon than a lonely monster”

“You gave your daughter and her mother control of your company to keep your sorry ass out of prison. Now all you can do is sit on the side line and watch them run your empire into the ground. Don’t forget your oldest is a part of my family now so the only lonely thing at this table is you”

I slam some money on the table “Dinner is on me. I know your pockets have been losing a little weight” I grab his chin and give him a kiss “Take care baby”

7 Devils……..Devil #3

3 things

#3 wasn’t a penetrator his kink was tying me up and licking my body till I was covered in his spit. He would spend hours sniffing licking kissing and tasting every inch of my body. When he was done with his foreplay my body would smell like sour milk and cigars which lead us to phase 2 the baby bath.

He would fill up his master tub with water throw whatever flower pedals he felt like day along with lavender bubble bath. He would pick me up and sit me in his bath while he sat behind me and gently washed my body with baby wash “I love tasting you. I can taste your darkness”
#3 was the one to break Heaths ribs

I met up with my girls at a small boutique that is owned by #3’s young girlfriend’s best friends.
Back when he was on top of the world #3 still had an issue with his urge for young meat and started a relationship with a 17 year-old girl. The big issue with that young girl she just so happened to be his boss’s youngest princess and when he found out about the relationship he threatened to send #3 to prison but

#3 threatened to tell his own secrets. As it turns out the boss and #3 had been into some illegal dirt with each other so when #3 made his own threats the boss backed down from getting the authorities involved.

That wasn’t the end of Boss Daddy’s rage he blacklisted #3 from every top company in the country. #3 had to sell just about everything to stay afloat but he kept one thing that he held very dear to his heart and that was his family boat.

Right after being blacklisted he had a traumatic experience in the water where his calf was ripped off by a shark and just last year he started getting comfortable going back into the water.

Fear of water still dating underage girls it was clear #3 was going to make this very easy.

Like clockwork we see #3 bring his little love lunch. He doesn’t look like the same suave man he used to be its clear life hasn’t been too kind. “Plan A or B?” “A”

2 hours we’re at the docks looking till we run into #3

Nala walks over while I stand back with Beccs “Do you do the boat ride thing” “Not today. I have an appointment” “look it’s my best friends bday and her married boyfriend just dumped her. I’ll pay double” Nala pulls out cash “Is this enough to change that appointment”?
#3 was on hard times for cash and couldn’t afford to pass up the opportunity

When we step on the boat Nala whistles and the guys come running down the dock with some of my Vixens “I invited my brothers and some very horny girls that love fucking hope you don’t mind”
It doesn’t take long for #3 to drop his guard and join in on the drinking and fun happening around him.

He staggered next to me “I know you” “Do you?” “You’re the girl mistress. why aren’t you having fun” “My fun begins in the morning” “Ahh come on let that dark side out” he kisses me on the cheek “I can taste the darkness in you” “You have no idea”

I sit back and watch him get drink after drink shoved in his hand. Completely unaware of what is going to take place when the sun rises.

When he wakes up he’s naked hogtied with several cinder blocks at his feet laying inches away from the edge of the boat “Good morning sweetie” it takes him a moment to collect himself but once he does he goes into instant panic mode he starts jerking around “Careful you might fall over”

“The money is in the lock box in my cabin”.. “We don’t want our money back”.. “What do you want?” “Your confession”.. “What? My confession?”

“18 years ago you were one of the first men that began paying a woman to molest her 10 year old daughter 2 years after that you became a regular 2 years after that you took part in the beating of that girls boyfriend then assisted in covering it up. Why did you do these things?”

All the blood drained from his face and he stared at me like he saw a ghost “I. She said. They all said they would handle you” .. “They all? The men that beat him?”.. “No. Your mother and brothers” .. “Excuse me? My brothers?”.. “Your mother and brothers came to us and said that the heath boy was going to tell people about what we had done so we needed to handle it?”

Rage filled me “Open the bag” one of the Rejects dumped the duffel bag and frozen pieces of fish “Block one” Another Reject pushed one of the cinder blocks over he slides back a little but 2 more Rejects grab him before he slides over the edge “Tie the bait”

“Lie on my brothers again. I will send you in the water bleeding making sure everything in that water takes a bite of you on your way to the bottom” .. “I’m not lying. They came to me and said they were putting together a group of guys to handle the situation”

“None of us knew each other until the first night it was supposed to happen but you ran off and the oldest one said he knew how to get you back” .. I wanted to cut his tongue out and send him to the bottom of the ocean

“Open him up” One of the Rejects cut the top of his shoulder “it was your brothers idea to put you in the mental institution”

I felt sick to my stomach because I remember begging my brothers to get me out of there and they didn’t they let me sit in there day after day.

“You’re lying” I couldn’t stop my eyes from filling up with tears there was no way the only two family members I believed loved me would betrayed me like that. They loved me ~ they looked out for me ~ no way those two would ever go that far.

#3 told me after they cleaned up they met with my brother and dad “Your brother kept saying Kid won’t forgive us. And the other one said She has no choice” Gab never called me Kid around people he wasn’t close with it was his weird way to let people he was in good with them.

“It was a setup the whole thing was a setup. From the time they brought that boy into your home till the time everything happened your family had it out for his.” my mind was about ready to explode my heart was shattered “Take me back” .. “Thank you”.. “Don’t thank me. Yes we’re going back but that doesn’t mean I’m done with you”

14 years I’ve waited for the moment I promised Heath I would take 14 years with 7 devils in my mind 14 years of hating 7 men when it should have been 9.

7 Devils……..Devil # 2

red hood

Devil #2 used to dress me up like Red Riding Hood get me drunk and chase me around the house with a whip and every time he caught me he would hit me till I was in tears. Then he would take my intoxicated minor body up to the room tie me to the bed and do whatever he pleased.

#2 also helped my mother get away with what she did to Heath.

Like most men of wealth #2 was a collector of exotic and vintage things especially wine’s so I contacted an old friend of mine to send out an exclusive invitation to a private vintage wine auction. I knew #2 wouldn’t miss out on the chance to rub his money in others faces.

Walking into the auction there were people worth millions to your left and to your right the lights were dim the music was low the setting was very intimate.

I was wrapped around Micah’s arm looking like a well-established couple “Remember the plan” after a quick walk around I found #2 over at the bar getting himself a glass of wine. I walk over “Shot of your strongest” I instantly get the feeling of his eyes scanning my body “I like my women like I like my wine aged and well defined. How about you?” He takes a few steps closer

#2’s favorite color is red it turns him on like foreplay and porn turns on others so I wore a tight red bandage style dress for both the color and the hint that I like to be tied up.

“I’m not the drinker my husband is” I turn around and point to Micah flirting with some blonde in a black dress “Shame he doesn’t appreciate a fine body” I grab my shot and throw it back “He appreciates all the good bodies that’s the problem. Excuse me” I slam the shot glass down and leave the room.

The night goes on and Micah finds himself chatting up 3 blonde beauties while I stand in the corner looking like a bitter jealous wife.

#2 walks over with 2 glasses of wine “Your ass looks amazing in red” I look over at him with a disgusted look that didn’t faze him one bit “I would apologize. But something tells me you like the attention” I snatch the wine out of his hand “I’m married”
“Your husband apparently didn’t get that memo” I roll my eyes and try to walk away but he grabbed my arm “

It was time for the auction to start and time for Micah and I to put on our first scene. We start an argument with each other away from prying eyes but loud enough for everyone to hear. He storms away from me and grabs a hand of one of the girls.

At first #2 wasn’t biting the bait so I waited for a clear opportunity to bait him again. When I saw him walk in the restroom a run in bawling tears and bumped right into him “I’m so sorry but the ladies room was full” He went to walk out “Wait. Did you mean it?”

“Excuse me?” I turned around “That my ass looks amazing?” He closed the door and walked up to me “Why?” I turned around a slightly lifted up my dress “If you think it looks amazing now. You should see it in your bed”

We sneak out of the auction and rushed to the car “How long till you have me in your bed?” my hands were all over him begging him to drive fast “I want you to rip this red dress off and punish me”
The veins in his neck got bigger his breath got heavier “What are you limits?” I licked the side of his face “When I say stop you fuck me harder” He damn near crashed when I said those words “oh you dirty girl”

We pull up to his house jump out the car and hurry to the door “Nice house” Before we could step over the threshold he was pulling at my dress “You ready?” I rip open his shirt “For what?” He puts his hand up my dress and pulls down my panties “I’m going to do some terrible things to you little girl”

I grab his face and bite his lip “Nothing you haven’t done before” I feel him get yanked off me then the lights turn on and I see he’s being held on the floor with his mouth covered by my Rejects who are dressed in all black “I’ll be back. Get him ready”

When I step out the room I’m dressed like Red Riding Hood I see #2 stripped down nakedtied to a chair with a gag in his mouth and a chair placed right in front of him.

I take a seat and one of the Rejects hands me a nail gun I put right against his knee cap “I’m going to take off the gag if you say a word without my permission that’ll be 6 nails in your knee. Understand?” He nods his head and one of the Rejects removed his gag “Do you remember me?”

“Yes. I’m sorry” “What did you do to me?” “I’m sorry” They put the gag back in his mouth and a pillow over his head and I shot a nail in his shin “I didn’t ask you if you were sorry. I asked what you did” He’s trying to scream but it’s being muffled “Shut up or it’s 10 in the dick”

“What did you do to me?” “Violated you” “No need to be politically correct. You fucked me. You stuck that dirty old dick in me. You raped me” “I’m sorry” “I’m sure I’ll get that a lot in the next few days” “What else?” “I don’t know” I gave him a little smack “Come on focus” “I don’t know”

I jerk the nail gun like I’m about to put another nail in his leg “NO PLEASE. I DON’T KNOW I SWEAR” I smack him again “You watched me drag my boyfriend’s beaten body out the garage then you helped my mother get away with it”

One of the Rejects puts a bucket next to me and hands me a pair of gloves and tongs “Gag him” I take my favorite picture of heath and tape it to his chest.

I grab his dick and start stroking it “Think about how good you felt when you fucked me. Go back to that time. I want you to relive my screams. I want you to remember me begging you not to do it”
His dick got hard as a rock I slipped the gloves one grabbed the tongs reached in the bucket and grabbed a golf ball size piece of dry ice and held it against his dick.

After just a few seconds he was digging his fingers into the arms of the chair “Does it hurt?” Tears are falling down his face his neck is turning red the veins in his forehead look like they’re about to burst. I grabbed another big piece and sandwiched his dick between them “That pain you feel doesn’t come close to what you did to me” I pull the dry ice off his dick and put the pieces back in the bucket.

They push his chair into his cozy home theater “Do you know why my mother. Made you rape me in a location of her choice”

The screen turns on and it’s a grainy video compilation of all my times with #2 “She taped every single man that paid her to fuck me in case any of you needed to be reminded” He put his head down and one of the Rejects smacked him across the chest with a belt “Pay attention bitch”

As the video went on he put his head down several more times and received several more hits and after the film was done I cut off his ties “Follow me upstairs” My back was to him so I couldn’t see the amount of pain he was in but I could hear it with every step he took up the stairs.

When we got to his bedroom door I stood to the side “Step in” When he pushed the door open his face went from excruciating pain to absolute agony. Because waiting for him in his room were 2 very large very horny men that love having their way with child molesters.

I put a red hood over him “Now I know you have to get to a hospital before your dick falls off from frostbite. But my friends here paid good money for that sweet ass of yours”

7 devils 13 days 2 down 5 to go